My shorts are riding up my thighs!

Women!  WOOO-MEN!  My shorts are riding up my thighs!  I take three steps and it looks like I have a vacuum in my hoo-ha sucking up my pants.  A quick google search reveals this is a common problem amongst women who have legs.  The solution?!  The first was to not wear shorts at all.  The second was to GLUE YOUR SHORTS TO YOUR THIGHS.  What. The. Fuck.

There are no better ideas out there???  You’re telling me if the weather is hot my options are a sundress, glue or naked?!  We have self driving cars, but we don’t have the ability to make a pair of shorts that don’t become eaten by your vagina?!  What the fuck is going on in the world?!

More googling says to wear shorts under your shorts.  Yes!  Because more layers is what I want when it’s ninety degrees outside.  I mean, who doesn’t love swampass and yeast infections?

Forget about how fucking uncomfortable this shit is, the frustration of having to stop and pull your shorts from your labia every three steps is practically nauseating, and quite frankly, a little obscene.  I don’t want to see other people picking their pants from their lady parts, and I’m damn sure no one wants to see me do it either.

I do have one pair of shorts that don’t ride up, but they present a different problem.  They are so short that my ass cheeks hang out.  What’s worse?  A peek at the cheeks, or some bare inner thigh action?

Ugh.  Fine!  Sundresses it is!   I just hate them because I have a toddler-like awareness of when I’m flashing my underwear to the world..  I mean, how am I supposed to ride a bike, a horse, or a cowboy in a dress?  Side note, I haven’t ridden any of those in years, BUT LIFE GOALS!

Join us next time on “My Shorts Are Driving Me Batshit” when we’ll dig into the world of chaffing!  You won’t want to miss this friction-filled episode!  Until then, we wish you luck plucking your pants out of your pretty, little, perspiring petunia!