“Dance Contest.  You, me, now!”

QUESTION:

Would you buy a house if when you went to look at it, you noticed through the windows of the house next door that the woman inside was simply dancing-a-fool?  I mean like unhinged, dancing around, fishy face, fistpumping, booty-shaking, jumping up and down, twirling, possible attempted acrobatics, good-chance-of-injury dancing?  Because that’s what’s going on in my house right now while there is an open house actively taking place at the neighbors.

Genuinely, these people have a front row viewing of these SPEC-TA-CU-LAR moves.  Am I scaring bitches away?  Perhaps.  Am I driving down property values?  Most likely.  However, if they cannot handle these moves, maybe they can’t handle this neighborhood.  And by neighborhood I mean private drive with 4 houses on it, the other two of which are owned by little old ladies, who I am sure would be amused by my booty shaking, but would not partake in fear of breaking a hip.  Not a joke, one of them broke her hip and both of her arms in separate incidents last year.

Ok enough HIPPA infractions, as I was saying, bring on the broken bones!  And bring on the crazy neighbors!  If I saw the neighbor breaking it down like this, I would be like “SIGN ME UP. BITCH!  Dance Contest. You, me, now!”  Of course, this is probably why I am lonely most of the time.  I’m just here dancing to the beat of my own drum, scaring away potential neighbors, but maybe, just maybe attracting the right one.  Please dear lord, just don’t send me another old lady.  Amen.